Strict Dieter's Delight Gifts

"I'm Roberto, and I'll be your waiter this evening. This is Carl. He's in charge of portion control."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Obesity Report

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

"Ready to head back?"

'Mom, your diet says you can eat all the vegetables you want. Wow! A diet without vegetables!'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"