Dismal Day Observer Gifts

"Sorry, coach! But it is really dreary out there."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

Mother Duck.

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

"Go ask your search engine."

Musk's Twitter

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

Artist is drawing a mug instead of the models.

Mobile Phone Mobile.

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.

"Smartphone sales" "Degradation of society"

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

Surreal Weather

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

Lemmings jump off a cliff wearing t-shirts reading 'I'm with stupid'.

'Jenkins, there's no easy way for me to say this, so I suggest you download your dismissal as a PDF file from the company website.'

'Believe me, a pet doesn't do a day's work in his life.'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

"Nothing under me this year. We must social distance."

I see the Christmas shift has taken over nice and smoothly again.

A king and queen playing badminton while being held up by their servants in litters.

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

'His 'get-up-and-go' got up and went ages ago'

"Talk about overkill. She broke up with me by text, 6 types of social media, and then through her attorney."

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

"One minute I was Chairman and Chief Executive of Mammon Industries, the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

"To think that my parents have been feeding me some rubbish about a stork for years!"

"I see a horse down there." "No, looks like a cow, man."

Would you stop? I hate when you finish your meal before I do.

'It would make me feel insignificant if I didn't make so much money.'