Discussing Crime Gifts

Victimless crimes seem so futile.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

Mobsters at the Beach

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

The evidence destroyed

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Turkey Autopsy

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."