Crime Storyteller Gifts

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

Two men in jail: One wearing shirt with 'Guilty', the other with 'Guilty by Association'.

"It seems like only yesterday you were a juvenile offender."

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

'We know that you're in there, McGinty. Come out with your hands raised.'

'I'm relying on my wife to get me out of here. She's never let me finish a sentence yet.'

"I'm here to help you...to protect you....you can trust me...you will trust me...or else!"

Very organised crime

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

hard-boiled egg...

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

The Philip Marlow family

"You dropped yer wallet."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Paper or plastic?"

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'Make it look like an accident.'

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"