Crime Storyteller Gifts

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

Two men in jail: One wearing shirt with 'Guilty', the other with 'Guilty by Association'.

"It seems like only yesterday you were a juvenile offender."

How would you like to be taken for a ride, Axel? Would you mind rephrasing that, Lance? That has a bit of a Mafia ring to it.

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

'We know that you're in there, McGinty. Come out with your hands raised.'

'I'm relying on my wife to get me out of here. She's never let me finish a sentence yet.'

"I'm here to help you...to protect you....you can trust me...you will trust me...or else!"

Very organised crime

"No questions, your honor. It's all in my client's new book. Every member of the jury will find a free copy under their seats!"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

hard-boiled egg...

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

The Philip Marlow family

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"You dropped yer wallet."

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Paper or plastic?"

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

Fish mobsters.