Crime Scene Storyteller Gifts

"He misspoke, I misheard, then shots rang out."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"We need rain."

Next camera crew 5 mins

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Paper or plastic?"

Turkey Autopsy

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

Handcuffs.

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"Make it look like an accident"

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."