Crime Scene Commentator Gifts

"Now, tell us what happened, in your own words."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"We need rain."

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

Turkey Autopsy

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

Penguin identity parade

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

Party balloons. Looks like an inside job. Helium.

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

"Any clues?"

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

"Looks like a tragic accident Chief. Although how he could trip and fall under a road roller beats me."

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

'Take your time sir.'

"There's something very wrong with this picture, detective."

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

Police Fair.

"Cut. Cut. You call this a crime scene?"

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.