Crime Commentators Gifts

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'Why is it always about me?'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Financial Corruption

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

Medellin erases the image of Escobar

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

See no evidence, hear no evidence, speak no evidence.

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

Agatha Christie

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"It's a puzzling case, Watson. For all I know, the culprit could be staring me right in the face."

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

Lizzie Borden in the 21st Century...

Don't worry, we're anti gun control.

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

"Ah ha! Organised criminals..."

Shakespeare in the park Mickey Spillane in the alley.

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

A holster of heavies

Murder/Mystery

"Dang...this guy isn't a spree killer or a religiously motivated terrorist! He's just a normal criminal. Switch off the camera."

"Thou shalt not kill. It's a sin. But people still commit murders, I'm happy to say. And the state kills the murderers...I'm twice as happy to say."

'What is WRONG with you?!!'

"It's not a spike in crime, it's a spike in REPORTING crime that was there all along. So... that's better, right?"

Dashiell Hammett

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

"Although my client was well aware of the falling crime rate, Your Honor, he chose not to be trendy."

OJ Simpson - Pop Up If I Did It (Here's how it happened).

"They all lead back to this ball of yarn."