Crime Comedy Critic Gifts

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"Amateurs."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Why is it always about me?'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

Police Lineup Escape

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.