Crime Comedy Critic Pillows

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"Amateurs."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Why is it always about me?'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Not much cop are you!'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'