Crime Comedy Buff Pillows

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I'm not a thief. I'm a home contents aggregator!"

Wanted. He's an art thief who always mistakenly takes the leave valuable painting. We never did take a good picture!

The Brains of the Outfit

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

'I have a few questions about the new identity your witness protection people set up for me.'

'Uuuummm...how often do you guys get held up?'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.