Crime Humor Buff Pillows

'My travel agent sent me here...over a hot check I gave her.'

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

A giant hand identifies giant legs in a police line-up.

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"Damn it, Flopsy, you've cost me another bust."