Crime Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Criminal Profiling ID Parade

"This is NOT another violent knife crime."

"I'm still not sure which one of them took my wallet. Maybe if they took off their shirts again."

'Apology accepted.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Tell me more about your 'extensive experience in acquisitions'."

"Boys, this is Louie, our fixer."

"Come back later when our computers are back up."

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

"First, you told me you gave up robbing banks. Second, as your accountant, you might want to omit that income."

"I gave up snatching purses... you can't find anything in them!"

"Now that's what I call a great gag."

"They don't hide the fact that they're into money laundering."

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

'It was the hand that fed us, you stupid dog! You should have eaten the food - not the hand!'

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Self-made Millionaire.

"Why didn't you arrest him when you took his photograph?"

'He says does anyone know how to fit a skimming device?'

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

'This is one of the few things you still can't do off-line.'

'I feel like I'm your muse.'

'Hands up!', 'Where are you going with this?'

'That's the most beautiful alibi I've ever heard!'

'The gun went off while you were cleaning it, eh? †in a BANK?'

"Sadie, what would it take for you to provide someone with an alibi?"

"What? Everyone takes things home from the office once in awhile!"

"I didn't hear anything."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'