Crime Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'They found your gene for anti-social behavior, but they're still looking for the one for robbing liquor stores.'

'You and your stupid hybrid getaway car'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

The Mafia Goes Green.

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

The Codfather.

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"