Crime Humor Fan Pillows

The meeting always ended with a group hug (pickpockets anonymous).

'This is a market correction.'

'The bailiffs took my car away yesterday, and I didn't even have a chance to siphon out the petrol.'

'It's really a compliment to you that I think you're successful enough to get robbed.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"