Comedic Crime Buff Pillows

"Number three. Take off the hat and sunglasses."

"Me? Keeping winning scratch cards? Never!! Champagne officer?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'You're an inspector now?'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'