Comedic Crime Buff T-Shirts

"Number three. Take off the hat and sunglasses."

"Me? Keeping winning scratch cards? Never!! Champagne officer?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'You're an inspector now?'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

Decision on the flip of a coin...