Crime Comedy Buff T-Shirts

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I'm not a thief. I'm a home contents aggregator!"

The Brains of the Outfit

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

'I have a few questions about the new identity your witness protection people set up for me.'

'Uuuummm...how often do you guys get held up?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'Not much cop are you!'

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'