Discussing Crime Mugs

Victimless crimes seem so futile.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

The evidence destroyed

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

Mobsters at the Beach

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

Turkey Autopsy