Disaster Preparation Gifts

I've given up trying to figure out what earth-shattering change is coming. If the end is near, I don't want to know. Nobody ever sees it coming. I think I never saw that coming is probably the most-used phrase in the English language. I just downloaded iPocalypse, the new iPhone app that uses GPS technology to point you to oncoming calamities. Bee-beep. Turn-around.

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

Natural Disasters

Emergency Phone.

IRMA Hurricane Recovery in Cuba

Emergency exit into Space

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I can see our house from here."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Prepper Dog

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Small Government Is Here

Emergency Underpants

"My God, now what?"

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Hurricane damage to trees

Disasters

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!"

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

'The tropical tax haven where he offshored his business was just hit by a tsunami.'

Japan Disaster: Japanese fighting Nuclear Grim Reaper.

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

Climate Change Contingency House

Extraterrestrial kicks rocks on his planet, which turn into meteors crashing to earth.

"On the other hand, voting to fund disaster relief would violate my conservative principles."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."