Dino Diet Darling Pillows

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

'-and I suppose you want chips with it?'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

Genie.

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Fast food trap.

'First the good news -- You're going to have a lot more money to spend on clothing and shelter.'

Person who doesn't eat much blown away in the wind.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

Heartache in the refridgerator.