Dino Diet Darling T-Shirts

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

'-and I suppose you want chips with it?'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

Genie.

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

'Stinkin low carb housing.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Fast food trap.

'First the good news -- You're going to have a lot more money to spend on clothing and shelter.'

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"I'm taking you off the fish diet."

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'