Diet Devil Pillows

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Critisize your weight.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Chocs away.

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

'Diet considerations.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Dieting Motivation.

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"