Dieting Daredevils Pillows

Marge and Tina's Caf?. In a diet, so don't fry for me, Marge and Tina. (Published previously on 6/29/2000.)

Person who doesn't eat much blown away in the wind.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

Genie.

'It's topped with things I found under my sofa cushions.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

Fast food trap.

I lost 10 pounds during that last thaw...but it was all water weight.

Healthy Eating Fast

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"I'm taking you off the fish diet."

'First the good news -- You're going to have a lot more money to spend on clothing and shelter.'

'Hi, yourself.'

Heartache in the refridgerator.

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'