Diet Devils Pillows

"I've been standing here all day, but there's no change!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Critisize your weight.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Chocs away.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"I'm a monster."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."