Dieting Dino Pillows

'I know you're on a diet, but they didn't HAVE any small ones!'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

Genie.

'-and I suppose you want chips with it?'

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

Woman weighing herself sitting on a chair.

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Fast food trap.

'First the good news -- You're going to have a lot more money to spend on clothing and shelter.'

'I believe in living life to the fullest.'

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"