Dieting Dino Pillows

'I know you're on a diet, but they didn't HAVE any small ones!'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"You've got to eat less, exercise more and try to stay out of trouble. You're not fit to stand trial."

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'Here's a good one, France on 2000 calories a day.'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It's good that you're taking vitamins... but you need to stop BUTTERING them.'

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'So, how did the crash diet go?'

Genie.

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

'I have a very demanding and stressful job. I'd quit but the stress caused me to lose two dress sizes.'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'-and I suppose you want chips with it?'

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

Woman weighing herself sitting on a chair.

'Stinkin low carb housing.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Fast food trap.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

"I'm taking you off the fish diet."

'I believe in living life to the fullest.'

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'