Doggo Dieters Pillows

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'Sorry, chubs, but those little circles you do before lying down don't cut it as exercise.'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

Dog Food Groups

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

Rescued, at last, from quinoa

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Parping dog.

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

"I think that new dog food gives him gas!"

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

Man reading dog food can: Contains beef and beef by-products.

High Calorie Area - Run For Your Life

"Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied with my diet."

"Not only do these new treats taste like table scraps, they're also good for you."

"I told you it was a waste of time, it's a vegan home."

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'