Dinner Table Comic Gifts

If I don't make a sound, he won't notice.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"Why do you always have to be so judgemental?"

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

Please visit www.frtn_cookie.com.

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

"Slop again?!"

How Mrs Pavlov Would Call her Son to the Dinner Table

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'Tom Jones is still my favorite movie. It has the most explicit eating.'

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

"I wish my hemorrhoid would shrink."

'Must this family always talk sports at the dinner table?'

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

"Do we really have to use these plates?"

Chicken running out of restaurant, waiter: "Err, chickens off"

'If God had meant for me to eat Brussels sprouts, He would've put me in Belgium.'

What's for dinner? Leftunders!

"We'd like to substitute you for a waiter who'll write down our order."

Opie Ate

'I know hunting season starts tomorrow, so get out of my mashed potatoes!'