Dinner Table Comic Pillows

If I don't make a sound, he won't notice.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Slop again?!"

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

How Mrs Pavlov Would Call her Son to the Dinner Table

'For God's sake, Ellie, we're vegetarian.'

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

'Must this family always talk sports at the dinner table?'

'If God had meant for me to eat Brussels sprouts, He would've put me in Belgium.'

First Annual Mammal-Dinosaur Potluck

'I know hunting season starts tomorrow, so get out of my mashed potatoes!'

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

"Do we really have to use these plates?"

"We'd like to substitute you for a waiter who'll write down our order."

Chicken running out of restaurant, waiter: "Err, chickens off"

Opie Ate