Dining Out Detectives T-Shirts

What's this charge for shipping and handling?

Try to guess the continent dining...

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'How is the water prepared?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Don't tell him anything."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

I'm sorry, Miss. I can't involve the bouncer just to "teach somebody a lesson." Menu.

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'Mine was stone cold.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'