Dieting Dilemna Lover Gifts

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Why don't we skip the falafel bar, Sinbad."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

''Usually drunk with pizza.' Hey, so am I!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

I lost 10 pounds during that last thaw...but it was all water weight.

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

Edith told Hank that if he gained any more weight, she's leave him. Hank just wanted the cake and Edith too.

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

The Atkins Diet.

Instagram!!!

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

'I'm really not eating a balanced diet. I'm always replacing meals with snacks. Maybe I should be taking a multivitamin before I eat a donut.'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

Diet - Stop stuffing your face"

Skinny Santa Claus munches on carrot, as obese Rudolph eats mince pie.

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

'Knock off the between-feast snacking.'

'well, then, I guess you're also lactose substitute intolerant.'