Dietary Restriction Realist Gifts

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

Diet Sugar House.

''Usually drunk with pizza.' Hey, so am I!'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'I don't think cholesterol had been invented then.'

"I want you to decrease your salt intake and increase your pepper intake."

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

"Just Desserts" and "Unjust Desserts"

'Look! The health food shop has been hit by the recession.'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

Instagram!!!

Rodney kicked off his new fitness regime by buying a heavier remote control

'And ask the chef to run his blender as he cooks that steak. My doctor has put me on a liquid diet.'

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

Anorexic flora.

"If you don't plan on snacking at night, then why did you move the refrigerator in here?"

"I'm giving up chocolate for lent."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

Gluten-free area.

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

'Gorgeous or gorging, why do I always have to choose?'

'Some have abs of steel, I have fat of steel!'