Dietary Laws Gifts

"And here's a list of food you can't eat."

"I'd invite you back to the house for a glass of iced tea, but I'm afraid our kitchen isn't kosher."

'I haven't eaten kosher in ages.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

Gun Ego

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"First, do no ham."

"Drop it... Such things banished in our kingdom."

"You gotta multiply dog years by seven, pal."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

No! The new mining bill hasn't passed yet!

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

"I know... everybody just assumes I'm a vegetarian."

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'The health dept. takes a great leap forward.'

'It's a tax on taxes.'

No Smoking.

'And ask the chef to run his blender as he cooks that steak. My doctor has put me on a liquid diet.'

"I'm giving up chocolate for lent."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

"All these healthy eating edicts and chew twenty times...I'm fed up to where my back teeth used to be!"

"The doctor says I should go on a bland diet. There's no bland in this house!"

The Sprats

'Have you tried the meatballs yet?'

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

What They Believe In