Dial-up Disciple Pillows

'Our server is so slow I'm going to call him 'Dial-Up'.'

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"I have an app for that."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

Old-fashioned computer

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

Ohm sweet Ohm

You Have 1 New Messages

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."