Drinks Disciple Pillows

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Happy Hour

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I have an app for that."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Nectar of the Gods Dispenser.

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

Way too much anthropomorphising

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

You Have 1 New Messages

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Gracebook.