Discipline Disciple Pillows

'How can you make so many mistakes when there's only 2 option...LEFT or RIGHT?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Grounded

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

KAWAII T'AI CHI

God's Phone

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

"I have an app for that."

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'What a control freak!'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"At least we've got a nice day for it..!"

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'