Discipline Disciple Gifts

'How can you make so many mistakes when there's only 2 option...LEFT or RIGHT?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Grounded

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

KAWAII T'AI CHI

God's Phone

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I have an app for that."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'What a control freak!'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"At least we've got a nice day for it..!"

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'Does it come on Disc?'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."