Online Disciple Gifts

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I finished my homework, and half my college freshman courses.'

God's Phone

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

"I have an app for that."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"Thanks to the Internet, I learned to ride a bike. Since I was bored, I also got my pilot's license."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'Does it come on Disc?'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

You Have 1 New Messages

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'