Online Disciple Prints

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I finished my homework, and half my college freshman courses.'

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Thanks to the Internet, I learned to ride a bike. Since I was bored, I also got my pilot's license."

"I have an app for that."

'Relax, dad, I haven't been in a classroom for months because all my college classes are online!'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'Does it come on Disc?'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

You Have 1 New Messages

Tiddles completes his doctorate.

'It's all right, Dad -- it's a Buddhist chat room!'