Devout Disciple Gifts

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Never admit you missed church services this past Sunday.

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

Moses on the web

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"I have an app for that."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'What a control freak!'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Way too much anthropomorphising

"At least we've got a nice day for it..!"

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'My God - there's two of 'em!'

"I try to get a head start on them."

You Have 1 New Messages

'You know, sometimes I find it pretty hard to imagine these will be the ‘good old days.''

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'