Doggy Disciple Gifts

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Moses on the web

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

"Humans are strange."

God's Phone

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I have an app for that."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Okay, who's purring?"

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

'I'm detoxing - do you have any mineral water?'

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

Way too much anthropomorphising

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".