Doggy Disciple Pillows

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Moses on the web

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

"Humans are strange."

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

God's Phone

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I have an app for that."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Okay, who's purring?"

"I guess people want dogs with no problems. Lucky for me, all I've got is quirks."

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

'I'm detoxing - do you have any mineral water?'

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

'Does it come on Disc?'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'