Dinosaur Disciple Gifts

'I use the newest tools in modern medicine. This cow bone is only one day old.'

Moses on the web

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

As the world emerges from the last ice age Ug & Og discuss a historic agreement to reduce CO2 emissions from woolly mammoth barbecues.

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"The invention of taxidermy."

'Hey, you! -- What happened to the pet dinosaurs we left here?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"I have an app for that."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"I think we overordered."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Does it come on Disc?'

'Like us, the Hula Hoop will never go out of style.'

"We Tell No One"

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."