Diamond Disciple Gifts

'It looks they are enforcing the three strikes law!'

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I have an app for that."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Does it come on Disc?'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

"I take it this is a very special occasion."

You Have 1 New Messages

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'