Diamond Disciple Gifts

'It looks they are enforcing the three strikes law!'

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"I have an app for that."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

You Have 1 New Messages

"I take it this is a very special occasion."