Dirt Disciple Gifts

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

"I know it is of this earth...."

'Maybe he has some sort of mystic attachment to the soil.'

God's Phone

"Sheez. I hope they like pictures of dirt."

"I have an app for that."

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

How Gary got his groove back.

'I'm not making a mess, Mom - I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

User friendly soil.