Dial-up Disciple Gifts

'Our server is so slow I'm going to call him 'Dial-Up'.'

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"I have an app for that."

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

Old-fashioned computer

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Way too much anthropomorphising

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

'We've lost the ability to fly Dad: To fly! How is that evolution?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

You Have 1 New Messages

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

Ohm sweet Ohm

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

Gracebook.