Dealing With Healthcare Costs Gifts

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

NHS application system: 'Let me in! I'm a Junior Doctor!'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

Private prescription drugs

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

'Tell me if this hurts.'

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

"Ms. Mims will help you arrance financing."

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

"The worse part is, I paid the doctor in advance."

'Don't pay the doctor...'

Do you have health insurance ?

Operating for money

'Yes, high prices saves lives - the more a patient pays, the quicker the recovery!'

'I'll need to run a few more tests. . . to cover my daughter's orthodontia.'

'Mr. Pickens in room 261 insists on a second opinion regarding your bill.'

"I forgot to tell the doctor that it also hurts when I do THIS."

'Let's begin your exam with a simple coordination test. Swipe your credit card.'

I can get you a great inexpensive knee operation in India! Here's my card.

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

'I'll give you the symptoms, you give me the price.'