Healthcare Cost Conscious Gifts

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Want me to send my nurse in here to tickle you? Laughter is the only medicine you can afford."

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

Sam's Nation Building

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

'I know you're trying to keep health care costs down - but what kind of life support systems are these?'

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

Senior Brand Name Medicine Cabinet

Tattoos! $50 and Tattoos Removed! $10,000.

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"I can't afford probiotics . . . How much amateurbiotics?"

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'

'The armed forces are having to respond to new kinds of threat.'

"With the economy the way it is, I thought I'd start a garden. One million vegetables shoudl be enough."

"Get used to it...I think we're going to be eating them for a while yet..."

I'll need the tweezers. It looks like Mr. Fosgitt here is paying through the nose for his health insurance.

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

Purified Water. Look at these prices! Distilled waters run steep!

"I'm not a miracle worker. I can't do the surgery for less than four thousand."