Cost-conscious Patient Gifts

"Surgery up here is free!"

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

'Yes, high prices saves lives - the more a patient pays, the quicker the recovery!'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'The operation will be 50% less if YOU do the paperwork.'

'Mr. Pickens in room 261 insists on a second opinion regarding your bill.'

'Oh, yes, I agree. It is TRAGIC how costly braces have become! We do everything we can to hold prices down.'

I can get you a great inexpensive knee operation in India! Here's my card.

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

"With what I'm paying you I should have a private waiting room."

Sale.

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

Crisis Buzz.

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

'I know you're trying to keep health care costs down - but what kind of life support systems are these?'

'Jim gets a powerful charge from electric cars but always gets burned by the sticker shock.'

Avocado Prices

January Sales

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

'Computer Prices' blowing away you money

Tattoos! $50 and Tattoos Removed! $10,000.

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

Pharmacy. These days a miracle drug is one that I can afford.

"I can't afford probiotics . . . How much amateurbiotics?"