Cost-conscious Shopper Gifts

'That will be $600, thank you...'

'Parts and labor didn't come to much, but it cost a bundle to ship it back and forth to China.'

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

"There's very little an individual store can do about rising food prices, Mom!"

January Sales

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Sale.

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Crisis Buzz.

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

Garage Music

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'Ridiculously Expensive Coffee.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

Affordable housing

Low income vampires.

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

'I know you're trying to keep health care costs down - but what kind of life support systems are these?'

'Jim gets a powerful charge from electric cars but always gets burned by the sticker shock.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

Dad she's fallen into the cereal again!

'Computer Prices' blowing away you money