Dealing With Medical Costs Gifts

"Ms. Mims will help you arrance financing."

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"I can't afford probiotics . . . How much amateurbiotics?"

'If you want affordable healthcare, go to the government website. My speciality is still unaffordable care.'

'Don't pay the doctor...'

'You would save money on the long run if you'd let me throw in an autopsy with the procedure.'

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'

"I don't want treatment, just an insurance estimate."

Do you have health insurance ?

'I'll need to run a few more tests. . . to cover my daughter's orthodontia.'

'Mr. Pickens in room 261 insists on a second opinion regarding your bill.'

'Yes, high prices saves lives - the more a patient pays, the quicker the recovery!'

"I forgot to tell the doctor that it also hurts when I do THIS."

'Let's begin your exam with a simple coordination test. Swipe your credit card.'

Hospital services: Uninsured Care.

I can get you a great inexpensive knee operation in India! Here's my card.

Martin Health M.D. - practice limited to six figure diseases.

Health Costs